2011 is slowly approaching...and it happens to be the year that I will be turning 25 years old. yikes!!! I usually say this every single new year, but I truly mean it more so than ever when I say that I want THIS YEAR to be the greatest ever. I mean, it kinda has to be seeing that I will be turning a "quarter of a century old."(I put that in quotations because everyone always says that about turning that age).
Just a little bit ago I was looking at old pictures on my Photobucket account (lol sounds funny saying that for some reason), and of course I was feeling completely nostalgic and missing all the great times with friends that are no longer my friends anymore. It got me thinking about friendship and how I don't take it as seriously as I should. Not even with those whom I claim are my "best friends." I blame it on the fact that I'm completely guarded and afraid of getting hurt. I figure that if I show that I don't care, it'll save me the disappointment of feeling rejected. I know that sounds completely retarded, but...it is what it is.
Having said all that, one of my BIG new year's resolutions is to be a better person; a better FRIEND. To not speak ill of those who were once in my life and meant a lot to me, but are no longer around. I'm quick to resent exes and "ex friends" once they're out of my life. I'm always like, "oh we should have never been friends in the first place..." "I could care less if so n so died..." etc etc. I'm telling you, I'm really harsh. But I just came to this...realization? conclusion? if you will...that every single one of these persons were put into my life for a reason. In some way they helped me grow. Taught me something about myself. Helped me in some way. They had a PURPOSE. I want to rid myself of all this hate I have lingering in me. I want to be able to just move on, instead of dwelling on everything. I put up a front that nothing bothers me and that I easily roll with the punches...but that is so not the case. I want to do all that I can to help make me a better human being. I owe that to myself...
