Fathers

I'm sorry, but I can't stand my dad. The sight of him gets under my skin more often than not. I can't stand his voice, I can't stand his name, I can't stand the thought of him. This isn't ALL of the time, however...just MOST of the time. I don't know if it's because I'M always home and HE'S always home...maybe if I lived somewhere else I wouldn't continue having these horrible feelings about him. I hate how he doesn't try to get a 2nd job. I hate how he just lays in bed all day long on his days off. I hate how he's such a cheapskate. I hate how he cheated on my mom for years and years. I hate how he married someone else while still being married to my mom. I hate how he has 2 other kids. I hate how he lies about everything...where he's going, where he shops, EVERYTHING. I hate how he's totally fucked up my view on men. I hate how he continued to see his "other wife" years and years later after he was caught the first time. I hate the fact that my mom is still with him and still pays for his shit. My dad is a loser. I have not ONE SINGLE ounce of respect for him. Sometimes I wish he was dead, but that's only on my bad days...like today for instance. Deep deep down I don't wish he was dead, but he just gets on my last fucking nerves. Sometimes it takes every single ounce of strength within me not to lash out on him and cuss his ass out and list every horrible thing he's done to mom. Sometimes it takes a lot for me not to just grab a knife and stab him in the chest or punch his lights out. I know I sound like a crazy person, but I can't help how I feel.